Friday, 1 June 2012

i think i might be me again?

it appears i may be back from the land of the not-quite-dead-but-pretty-much.
it is not a very nice land to go and visit, but for some reason so many of us do tend to end up there even if we thought we'd taken all the necessary precautions to NOT end up there.
am i making any sort of resemblance to sense?
well, it all started six glittery years ago with a boy.
(sigh)it always starts with a boy.
so, it was late summer and girl meets boy. the boy was quiet, his guitar was noisy and the ring through his lip was sexy. the girl was loud, her paintings were louder and her hair was messy.
when the girl told the boy she loved him she smiled because it wasn't hard to say at all. and when the boy said it back they knew it was them. them against the world.
next came the big test. the boy moved far far away. but the year apart passed quickly, all wrapped up in weekend visits full of candyfloss and carousels.
the following summer they moved to the seaside and lived for three years in the sparkling mess that is Brighton.
they filled their stomachs with black coffee, cigarettes and take-aways. grinning away as they perfected microwave popcorn.
the boy drank in music, and spat out his lip ring.
the girl smelt of paint, pricked her fingers on sewing needles and wanted to colour everything, wanted their world to stay as this rainbow.
but then boy and girl moved away from the seaside. and without the salty air to breathe the girl got louder.
she cried louder. she shouted louder.
the boy was quiet for a long time. but then he got louder too.
but young love is a hard spell to break. and they fought to keep it. they fought against the end with all of their strength.
but then one day came and they were just two figures standing in a room.
just a boy and a girl.
both too scared to admit something horrible.
and now the boy isn't here anymore. it's just the girl.
just me.

so ever since it's been just me, i haven't really been participating in the waking world. suddenly everything seemed gigantic and scary, decisions that i wouldn't have even thought about now needed to be decided by none other than little old me and i didn't have a sodding clue.
it's taken a while, but i eventually feel like i can once again show this world a thing or two.
but let me just say, that there is no way i would be sat here right now, writing this if it wasn't for this one god damn amazing person. well to be honest, if it wasn't for her, i would most probably still be under the rock i was planning to crawl under, before she charged in, bashed through my tears and dragged me back, kicking and screaming, to the land of the living. she was the first person i called when i drove away from the huge bomb i had just thrown onto my relationship, and she was the only person to just look after me and she never once said i might have made a mistake. which i will love her forever for :)

oh and can we all wish our bestest for sun pleeeease? i'm off to 'love saves the day' festival on sunday and would rather love some vitamim D. :)

love and all that jazz x


Party Poison said...

It's good to have you back ;D

Liz Liz Bo Biz said...