As my wise mother always says, nothing lasts forever, the good and the bad, what we have is now and only now, life is fluid and forever moving.
So, why the slightly somber tone I hear you ask? I have entered a part of my life that kind of feels like a tunnel. Because I can see the end and I know it's only a tunnel, nothing bad is going to happen, I just need to carry on moving through it.
It's a tunnel I've been avoiding for a while, ever since I became aware of it when I was 19, 6years ago. I knew I probably should go through it, but hey I was 19 and about to move to sunny Brighton with my then love, who would want to start trekking down a huge long tunnel?
So I waved it away with my hand, turned in the other direction and went off to dance my teens and early twenties away. And looking back, maybe it was a good thing I did that. Because the tunnel is actually a long, hard, uphill slog to better health.
I think I'm more able to get my health back now, I'm older, wiser (hopefully) and have better boots to trek in.
So, the deal is I have very bad issues with my stomach/intestines and all that yucky stuff (I won't go into detail do not fear!) The reason I ignored it for so many years is because as with lots of things, it's not until it's actually standing in your way and pulling your hair that you find the time to deal with it.
It started quietly, the odd stomach ache here, the I'm-too-bloated-to-wear-my-dress there, until it upped it's game and I would suffer from agonizing stomach pains. They got so bad I once passed out from the pain whilst sat on a bench in the middle of Brighton. When I came round I rang my then boyfriend and he had to come and carry me home because I couldn't even stand.
So that's when I thought, oh hey this might be more serious than I thought.
So I saw someone and yep, I was allergic to yeast. Now at the time with being vegan as well it was a bit of a struggle. But it was ok, I figured I didn't like bread that much anyway. The thing was I was told it wasn't just my allergy that was causing me to feel so crap, there was something else that was actually causing my yeast allergy.
The tunnel was looming. But yet again I dismissed the advice, after all, I was fine so long as I didn't eat yeast...which just so happened to be in what felt like everything. Crisps, nuts, even flat breads (why do FLAT breads need yeast?!) cereals etc.
But it was ok, I was doing alright.
However as the years passed I became increasingly more sensitive to foods, I would get sick, always catch colds, couldn't concentrate on anything, suffered from exhaustion and aches and pains a young women just shouldn't have. Don't get me wrong, it didn't stop me or get in the way ALL the time, hence why I was still ignoring that something was wrong.
Until recently. now I have always had a sweet tooth, a really bad sweet tooth, and then suddenly my stomach just couldn't handle sugar.
That was it. The moment. The moment that I repeated FUCK a few times and then admitted that there might be something wrong.
So, the deal is I eliminate all foods from my diet which are causing my troubles and also the foods that are preventing my insides healing. I did some research into The Candida Diet and also The GAPS Diet and have come up with my own version that suits me. I will also be taking herbal supplements and homeopathic treatment to speed along the heeling process.
The foods that need to be taken out of my diet are all sugars, grains, soya, pulses and high carbohydrate vegetables and alcohol (most missed!) And of course because I am a vegan I already do not eat meat, dairy or eggs.
So what will I actually be eating? Well all these foods are good for my digestion and will make me better; lots of green vegetables (celery, broccoli, green beans, cabbage, spinach, kale, courgette, peppers etc) tomatoes, onions and garlic, salt and spices, coconut oil, olive oil, coconut milk, nuts and seeds, almond milk, lentils (only 2-3 x week) haricot beans, lemon and lime juice and cider vinegar.
So that is my tunnel, I don't know how long it will take, I am hoping to be well for my birthday in June. I understand I might not be able to stick to a purely green veg diet until then, but I hope my attempts to restore balance to my body will succeed!
Now to make this tunnel trek as nice as I can, I will be posting recipes on how to make the most out of limited ingredients.
I think it will help to stop me from going mad.
I must admit when I started this cleanse/diet on Saturday, I was awful. So upset and depressed at the thought of the next few months. My beloved recipe books containing all my own creations will sit unused. No more baking up midnight cookies, or experimenting to get the perfect vegan brownie.
I was a sad little bunny.
But I'm almost back to my bouncy self thanks to my mum and T, who are helping me so much. And I know it will all be worth it when I can eat something without any pain and my stomach deciding to look 6months pregnant...
Much love! x